


Choose to Wilt, Choose to Bloom

by RandomGuygoesviral



Category: Kindergarten (Video Games 2017 2019)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Punk, Angst, F/M, Felix and Ted have a healthy brotherly relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Oneshot, They are Babies I say!!!!, longfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 11:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20620544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomGuygoesviral/pseuds/RandomGuygoesviral
Summary: Felix and Lily love each other.This is the how and why.





	Choose to Wilt, Choose to Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> I've been hyping this fic up for ages. It's probably not good but it's literally the longest full blown story I've ever written. I'm so so proud of it!!!! Special thanks to Mistwolf34, who is the co-creator of this au! She builds mostly for Lily, so most of this fic is from Felix's perspective for that reason.  
this bad boy was 17 pages long on docs.

High school was not a time in anyone’s life that was often fondly remembered. The teenage years were full of stress, pressure, and a healthy dose of teen angst. Saying that there was nothing good about high school would be a lie, however. From sweethearts, to mischief, plenty was less than negative. 

Case and point: Felix Huxley and Lily Hanada.

From their names, just knowing their backgrounds, it doesn’t feel like they’d be compatible. The two of them don’t seem like they’d be compatible. However, the two of them perfectly subvert the “opposites attract” trope. In some ways, their likeness is uncanny. Standoffish, brooding, it only seems right for them to hate each other.

Thanks to a multitude of things, that’s not the case. From simple things, to things more complex, they met for a reason. Maybe at first that was because of their brothers, but sometimes situations change with the way you look at them.

Ah yes, senior year. The year that every high school student decided to give up, or keep going. Please remember, personalities change. Many people don’t act the same way all of their lives. Some of it may be the normal teen angst, but other parts are genuine changes in personality. Saying that someone is the same person as a five year old and as a seventeen year old is absurd.

* * *

“Theodore Abe Huxley! We should have left five minutes ago!” Felix wasn’t one for shouting, but it was one of those all too common days that the two Huxley twins were left home alone before school. 

Then there was a loud crash and a string of muffled almost cursing. Theo had always been the more clumsy of the two, so this was not anything new. It was just annoying to deal with when they were already running late. Just as Felix started to move from the wall he was leaning on, there was a streak of blond and pink darting from beyond a corner. A bright blue backpack trailed slightly behind.

Granola bar hanging out of his gap toothed mouth, stood a noticeably disheveled teen. A red bandana was tied unevenly around his neck, half of it caught above his pink collar. He threw his bag over a shoulder, readjusting the flowers he had carefully placed atop his head. His face was flushed. Teddy was out of breath. Of course he was, he’d always gotten ready last second.

“Your cheek is going to bruise, Teddy. And really, of all things, a granola bar?”

Theodore stifled a laugh,” And what have you had to eat?”

“That doesn’t-”

“I’m doing  _ better _ than you, Felix.” 

Felix rolled his eyes, adjusting the leather jacket he was wearing. The twins left for school, careful to lock the door to their family home before departing. As always, Felix drove. Despite taking on a punk persona in recent years, he still remained the more calculated and careful brother. It was much harder to distract him. He was the only one who actually had a license. 

The drive to their school from their home was longer than most would expect. Their residence, the one that kept them enrolled in that district, was different from the one they actually stayed at. So the drive they took every morning fell just a bit short of an hour. Being late to start that trip, especially when involving traffic, was a recipe for disaster. It wasn’t as if they would have to face any real consequences for their actions. They never did. All it was was annoying, missing part of a lesson, cutting it a little too close.

Pulling up to the school’s parking lot was a relief. A handful of students seemed to be lagging behind that day, so they could just blend in with the crowd. Not that two, semi-famous, six foot tall twins could be inconspicuous, but it was the thought that counted. Being late in a group was better than being late by yourself. More excuses, more ways to pretend to be normal. 

“Oh, Felix!” Theodore stepped in front of him, walking backwards as he spoke,” I told Billy, Penny, Carla, and Ozzy that I could go grab dinner with them later. Please come with me!”

“... No.”

…

“Fine.” 

It was a normal school day after that. Or as normal as it really ever got, at least. There wasn’t an explosion or mass panic that day, so it was actually less normal by comparison. It was a relatively calm day. No fights, nothing. 

* * *

“Lily. Lily. Lily. Lil. Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily.”

“Goddamn it, Billy!  _ What _ ?!”

The black haired male laughed to himself,” I need a drive to dinner. Can you come with?”

“Why- ugh,” Lily brushed a hand through her own dark hair,” Who else is going?”

Billy let out a hum,” Well, there’s Theo. But that isn’t surprising ‘cuz most of the rest of people going are theatre kids. Other than that, there’s Penny, Ozzy, and… I think Theodore asked Carla? I’m not sure if she said yes.”

“Know what? Sure. Why not.”

* * *

There weren’t many tried and true diners in town anymore. Fast food places just didn’t have the same feeling as a retro diner did. It never felt as right hanging out at a chain restaurant as it did sitting at the vinyl booths in a locally owned place. Stuff like that made a town like theirs feel real. Nothing compared to leaning over a seat and bugging a friend, an old jukebox playing a song that’s too new for it in the background. 

Sat down in a round booth was a group of teens. All of them seemed very different. From appearance to personality, none of them looked like they’d be close. Yet somehow, throughout it all, they still managed to stay friends. Maybe it was shared trauma, maybe it was the fact that they were compatible. Did it really matter?

“Sorry we’re late!” called a vaguely accented voice. 

Surprising no one, Theodore walked up to the table, a shopping bag tucked under his arm. What was surprising was the person who walked a few strides behind him. Now, everyone knew both Huxley twins. It was hard not to. The two of them were the heirs to Applesoft, after all. Both of the blonds were well known. 

One was just more well liked. Felix was not the friendly brother. He was seen as a menace, a jerk, by many. Cold and bitter, disliked. As much as he’d earned the status, it didn’t mean he liked it. Not that he’d actually say that.

The table looked at Felix Huxley and Felix Huxley looked right back. Someone regarded often as a bad brother, someone known to get his way through intimidation, standing there and invading their space. His eyes were listless and dull. No one was going to make him leave, they couldn’t.

“Teddy convinced me to let him by costume items as I drove him here.” His voice was just as empty as his eyes. 

Theodore flinched slightly at the nickname, causing a few people to glare even harder,” It’s my fault we’re late, yeah.”

“We’re?” that was the slightly tinny voice of Penny.

“Yeah…” Theo rubbed his neck,” I invited him. I figured it wouldn’t hurt, I’m already going to pay.”

No one seemed pleased with the idea of Felix staying. Then again, they couldn’t make him leave. Someone reasoned that they already had an extra person. It was a ‘the more the merrier’ thing. So he stayed. So the mood dropped. No one commented on it, but they all knew it happened. 

At least the mood lifted a bit as the food got there. It was a group of artists, theatre kids, all that nonsense. They all quickly got to talking about whatever it was that they liked. From the upcoming school musical (Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog) to plans to play dungeons and dragons. Most of them were talking anyways. Two of them hadn’t said a word since ordering food.

Those two were, of course, at each end of the booth. Sitting silently, seperate from the rest of the group. Lily Hanada and Felix Huxley. Both of them outcasts, even among people that they knew. Even with their brother. No one ever liked the punk, the rebel. 

Sometimes scrolling mindlessly on a phone, sometimes toying idly with a straw. Whatever the case, they were the only two who didn’t seem at all interested in the situation at hand. A complete and total disconnect. Not that anyone noticed, them being so caught up in their own chatter. Once and awhile, someone would glance over at one of them, but neither of them ever said a word. 

Having nothing to do got boring. It got boring quickly. Eventually, even the most resolved people in the world would get bored. Half way through the meal was long enough to drive someone crazy. Or at least it was long enough to drive Lily crazy. No, she wasn’t exactly talkative, but she didn’t like sitting like that. 

“You.” she said blandly, pointing over at the blond sitting across from her,” Do you have a name?”

She knew it, most people did, she just wanted to hear it out of his own mouth.

“And just why should I tell  _ you _ that?” He raised an eyebrow.

Lily scoffed,” Wanna play that game tough guy? Fine. I’m Lilian Hanada. Call me Lily, that isn’t a request.”

“Felix Huxley, I’ll call you whatever I wish to, Lily.”

So they shook on it. Little did either of them know how such a simple meeting was going to change things. Not immediately, of course not, but it would change things. For better or worse. Did it really matter which of the two it was? Being for worse would probably change the story. Maybe it did matter, at least a bit. 

* * *

They were at a park. Why? Good question. Not a question that was going to be answered, but it was a good one. Who had coordinated it? That was a better question. It was Kid. Just because it was a better question didn’t mean that the answer was anything unusual.

So there they were. A group of high schoolers all hanging out in a park because some kid in a blue flannel asked them to. At least Kid was pretty decent to most of them. The guy was easy to get along with. That was probably why all of them were there. Despite the fact that plenty of them weren’t on great terms with each other. Lily definitely didn’t care for him much. 

There was a large, old, oak standing on one side of the park. It was a nice spot to chill out. Sitting underneath the shade of the leaves, maybe hidden within the leaves, swinging legs blending in with swaying branches. More serene alone, but just as proud with others. 

“So!” Kid silenced the muttering that was going on with just a word,” I’m sure you’re all probably wondering why I forced you guys to come here!” 

“Well obviously!” Sneered Cindy.

He ignored the comment, producing a basket and large sheet seemingly out of nowhere,” We’re having a picnic! Why? Because we’ve been classmates for years and we only ever do things as a whole group when we have to. And that’s boring.”

“Seriously, man?”

“Can it Jerome.” That was Monty, sounding just about as done as ever. 

Lily laughed under her breath, leaning against the oak. To be honest, she was only there to make sure that her brother didn’t fall and break something. Or someone. She didn’t mind it, through. There was certainly history in the things bark. Hearts with initials within them, a few crossed out. Dates scrawled deep into the base. Some places held the remains of long etched away art.

She lucked out and didn’t have to help lay out the sheet, so she just watched a bunch of uncoordinated fools lay something unevenly against bumpy grass. Then she also watched said fools eventually give up on the idea of making it perfectly flat. It was every bit as stupid and funny as one might expect. Sure, she was a fool, too. At least she knew that grass liked to poke through fabric.

Kid, with some assistance from Penny, managed to get everyone to sit down on the sheet. It was a lot bigger than it looked at first. To the point where they could all comfortably sit around the edge of the thing. Lily wasn’t completely sure if that was impressive or disturbing. Maybe both?

She sighed to herself and sat down on one corner of the blanket. Billy sat next to her, and for a while no one sat to her other side. Theodore Huxley almost did, but there was still a full person sized gap between them. Felix Huxley sat down after that, next to her. He didn’t seem happy to be there. Lily honestly didn’t blame him.

The picnic was shockingly uneventful, especially for the class involved in it. Other than a few well meaning jabs, nothing bad really happened. Which, honestly, was more shocking than it should have been. Chaos was the groups middle name. 

Felix seemed rather unbothered by the groups loud nature. There was an earbud hanging from his ear and music blared through it. Through the blond traditionally preferred the quiet, he didn’t mind louder sounds. It kept the focus off of him, at least, and that was better than nothing.

He was just about to turn to his brother, ask if they could leave, when he noticed something. Lily and Jerome. They were staring daggers at one another. Not quite in a truly angry way, but enough to be disturbing. Kind of.

“I might be a lonely bastard but at least I’m not an outcast and a killer!”

“Oh Jerome, Jerome, Jerome~” the way Lily spoke was sickly sweet and venomous,” I embrace my outcast status! Please though, we’ve talked about the whole ‘killing your dad’ thing before, haven’t we? We’ve resolved that! Wanna know what I don’t regret doing?”

“Wha-”

“Fucking your mom!”

The group just exploded. From annoying “Ooooooh”s, to cheering and laughter. Lily didn’t even react to it, instead taking her place back on the edge of the blanket. The closest thing to her acknowledgment of the chaos was a look over at her brother. 

Felix literally felt his breath catch at the insult. It was fantastic! Completely fantastically executed! He didn’t know she had it in her! They’d only talked a few times, she didn’t seem to like him at all, but for the love of- it was so basic! But it still caught everyone off guard!

“ _ That’s _ your type Felix? Wow, and here I thought-”

“Theodore Abe Huxley you shut your mouth right now!” 

* * *

At this point, they were… well the two of them weren’t close exactly, but they were friendly with one another. Or at least that was what they told people. They were, in fact, friends. Beyond that: they were both pining fools who didn’t know how emotions worked. 

It was the day after closing night for that year’s musical. Theodore Huxley was dragging his friends out to breakfast to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? It didn’t matter to anyone but him, he just felt the need to do something. That’s what he said. He was planning something, he just acted like he wasn’t. 

Billy was in on it. He was less good at acting. That’s what made it obvious that something was going on. Theo could cover his tracks with the best of them, Billy wasn’t quite as eloquent. No one said anything, though. It wasn’t a good idea to interfere with one of their plans. Two sweethearts could be real scary if you got in there way. Sometimes. If quiet, dark, anger frightened you like it did some people. 

He, Theodore, was rattling on about the way his entrance in that scene after the duet was too weak, or about how he tripped over his own two feet during curtain call. Something for the sake of filling time, avoiding the possibility of questions. Smart. It was smart- the things he was doing. And that was infuriating. 

“So Theo,” Lily held her hand up, cutting the tall teen of mid sentence,” Are you going to tell us what you’re doing?’

He pouted, and it was a visibly fake pout, before going right back to smiling- with a wink he said,” It’s a surprise!” 

“Billy.”

“Sorry sis, I’ve sworn to secrecy.” 

Felix rolled his eyes as he listened to the three of them bicker. Part of him was bitter. Part of him wished he wasn’t. He’d never verbalize that, of course. It was good seeing Teddy happy. They acted almost like siblings, those three. The bond was not lost on him. 

“It’s food time,” Theo said suddenly (cryptically?), taking a sharp turn in front of a restaurant. It was a doughnut place, the best in town. 

The glint in his eyes betrayed his hidden intentions. Or more the fact that they were there. Those intentions were probably not negative in nature, they never were with Teddy, but they were there. 

“So let’s go in!”

-

“That might just be the worst joke you’ve ever told, Theo!” Billy shouted through laughter, leaning back against the bench he was sat on. 

“Those two seem to think it was funny.”

And Theodore was right, as he often was. The two in question were half leaned against each other, laughing their own distinct laughs. He and Billy exchanged looks, both softening at the sound of their siblings laughing. It was good, they both knew it, but it wasn’t enough. Those two were hopeless, there had never been two people so in love but in so much denial. 

* * *

It was difficult to explain how exactly Felix and Lily came to be in a relationship. Mostly because it took so long. It was a long period of mutual pining with a little bit of self hatred mixed in for good measure. But that skips the gory details and, arguably, the good bits. Just saying that one of them eventually confessed is boring, especially when the circumstances of their confession was odd. 

The two of them were arguing.

It wasn’t as if they didn’t have playful disagreements from time to time. They did, truly, they did. The issue was that this wasn’t one of them. This was actual fighting, glares from one person to the other, frustrated yells. A fight between two friends was never pretty, now was it?

“Felix! You aren’t  _ listening _ to me!”

“Oh!” he scoffed,” I’m not listening to you, is that so?  _ You’re _ the one who isn’t paying any attention to me!  _ I’m _ just trying to help!”

“Help with what? Being a nuisance?!” 

“Well maybe you’d find out if you asked!”

“I don’t give a shit!”

Felix held his tongue for a moment, glaring into Lily’s eyes,” I was  _ trying to help,  _ Lily.”

She paused for a moment, biting her lip as she came to a realization That was significant. He was trying to help. That didn’t make her any less angry, though!

“You could have told me that! What were you even trying to do?”

“Maybe you’d find out if you’d just date me!-”

Then there was silence. Pure, utter, suffocating silence. It wasn’t blank, it fizzled with energy. The longer it stretched, the more forceful the anxious swell became. So much so that it was louder than the roar of a jet at the same time as being able to hear a pin drop. That was the kind of silence it was. An awful thing.

That’s when Lily replied.

“Okay.”

“What?...”

* * *

The first time Lily and Felix ever made it known that they were dating was an accident. In fact, it was blackmail. It was the first time they’d ever been explicitly romantic in public. They weren’t even being secretive about their relationship. Honestly, it was obvious if you paid any attention to them. Touchy stuff, the physical part of romance, just never came naturally to either of them.

Walking through the mall with some of their classmates. That’s how it started. Nothing that interesting. Just a group of kids shopping for various things. That was all it was, there was nothing even kind of romantic about it. It’s shocking how quickly people can pick up on little things.

They’d just walked out of a toy store. Penny and Teddy were the only two who actually cared, but seeing them so excited about it made the rest of the group’s will crumble. It was only a walk from one store to another. That was how it started. Nothing romantic, nothing special.

Obviously, Lily and Felix were lagging behind the rest of the group. That wasn’t surprising. Not just because they were stereotypically edgy or whatever, just because it was quieter. Constant upbeat chatter was crazy making at times, especially when half of the group was shouting over the other.

That’s when one of their hands brushed the other. More exactly, it was Felix’s against Lily’s. Nothing about it would be anything special for most couples. It was just a simple touch! They hadn’t even touched on purpose! However, they were not most couples. 

It stopped both of them in their tracks. Very rarely were either of them touched at all, nothing beyond a friendly pat on the shoulders or a business related handshake. Something as simple, as unintentional, as a light touch was enough to make them freeze. Neither could exactly verbalize how they felt for a moment. They just stood there awkwardly, both hearts pounding quicker. 

“Sorry…” Felix muttered after a stretch of silence between the two of them, subtly brushing his hand on his pant leg.

Lily shook her head,” No. No it’s alright. I mean, uh, do you- do you want to, well…”

“I would like to do that, yes.”

“Like I said, it’s alright if you- said yes? Really?”

“I said yes.”

Actually holding hands seemed to be the hard part. Asking one was awkward, sure, but they could hardly look at each other while doing it. They managed to do it wrong, too. For a moment, it looked much more like a handshake than holding hands. Eventually, they did actually manage to hold their hands together properly. While maybe not as romantic as it could be, the two of them landed on latching onto the other’s pinky finger. It wasn’t a lot. There wasn’t a lot of contact between them, but it was enough that they were both visibly giddy. While it wasn’t physically close, it felt very intimate.

“We’ve lost the others…” Lily commented.

Felix shrugged in response. It just gave them more time to be like this. They agreed to let go when they saw their classmates, mostly to avoid embarrassment. Doing it in public was one thing, doing it in front of people they  _ knew _ ?! Not a chance. That would kill them!

Little did they know that someone had already seen, and she was the queen of blackmail.

By the time they got back to the group (which was, fittingly, in a stereotypically edgy store), it was too late. People already knew. Of course people like Theodore and Billy had been made aware of the relationship before this, but there were certainly people that didn’t need to know. Mainly the person who found out. It was Cindy. Why wouldn’t it have been Cindy?

Lily got a text from Billy. That was how the two of them figured it out at first. All it said was ‘you two got got lmfao’. After expressing confusion, he clarified. Cindy had taken a picture of the two of them holding hands and blushing like absolute fools. Only then, instead of keeping it for personal use, she posted it online with the caption ‘Oh??? Tea??? Theres some steaming edgelord tea in this mall tonite!’

After leaving the mall, Lily and Felix promptly avoided each other for three days. The reasons behind doing so only got increasingly more absurd as time went on. First it was a cold. Eventually it progressed to Lily claiming that she was doing an internet challenge and Felix muttering something about trying out a new product. Seriously, they passed each other in the halls a few times and both of them just awkwardly hurried passed. They were still texting each other! Which just made it all the more confusing!

Their brothers, deciding enough was enough, came up with a plan. It was cheap and cliche, but it was so annoying to have them actively avoiding each other! They had held hands! Maybe it’d be more understandable if they had been caught making out or something, but they were just holding hands! How did that make them both avoid each other?

The plan was simple. Get them into one place and force them to stay in there until they talked things out. It wasn’t like they had a fight, it shouldn’t have been very hard. They’d just be locked in a room together! Both Billy and Theodore decided to ignore the possible implications of that. Neither of their siblings seemed like the type to do that kind of thing. They couldn’t handle holding hands for god's sake! 

The where and when were the bigger questions. Other than ‘as soon as possible’ and ‘anywhere’, they didn’t really have answers for awhile. It took them an extra half day to figure out where to actually do the whole thing. Monty offered up his spare room. His parents were never home and the guest room was on the opposite end from his. It wouldn’t be weird to go over there, anyways. If you were on good terms with Monty, you got all kinds of perks. 

Now that the where was finally secured, the rest would be easy. Frame it as a gathering at Monty’s place, conveniently forget to mention that the other person was there. Bada bing, bada boom, the punks are back to being able to talk to each other. 

It… actually went much better than expected. They made up way quicker than expected. They were trolling their brothers within the hour.

* * *

Felix had a shaky hold on his phone, not trusting himself to be able to type. So he didn’t, he just held his breath and silently hoped that she was awake. That if she was awake, she’d pick up. Not that she usually let his calls go to voicemail. He just really wasn’t in the right state to think rationally. If she didn’t pick up he’d just have to call Theodore, who couldn’t drive. Who would be disappointed in him because he  _ promised  _ that he wasn’t going to get into another fight that month. 

He’d failed. He’d  _ failed _ . How did Theodore put up with having such a  _ failure _ for a brother. Felix was a  _ failure. He’d always be a failure. _

“Felix?...” Lily’s voice was groggy, she’d been asleep,” It’s like… two a.m. why are you calling me so late?”

Vaguely aware of his shaking voice, taking care to speak as formally as he could, he mumbled,” I am… am currently in the alley behind the diner. I would appreciate it if… you would kindly come- ow- pick me up? Preferably- um, preferably quickly. As quickly as possible.”

“ _ Felix _ ,” she breathed, she sounded (disappointed. She sounded disappointed in him. Felix was  _ disappointing _ her.  _ Failure. He was a  _ ** _failure_ ** .) panicked, worried,” What happened? Are you okay? Holy shit, I’ll be there as fast as I can. Dad’s gonna kill me for starting the car this late but- Felix are you alright?”

He didn’t respond for a moment, he didn’t know how to. He wouldn’t be able to respond properly even if he could. The pain in his chest exploded with every single breath he took, sharp and harsh. It made him go light headed- everything felt muffled. Like white noise. His side hurt too, it felt like burning but he knew that it wasn’t burnt. Was he crying? That probably made it worse.

“Please hurry.”

“Felix, I know that tone, you better stay on the phone with me. I sw-”

He hung up. Felix then promptly gagged on his own tongue before retching into a trash can. It hurt. God it hurt, but he’d rather be in pain than covered in his last meal. Honestly though, it was mostly just blood and bile. This was what he got, he was getting what he deserved. A failure, blinded by teenage rebellion, dying alone in an alley. Could anything be more humiliating than that? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he really hoped that Teddy would be okay without him.

Time didn’t seem to exist as he sat there, slumped against a wall. Everything was hazy. Had it been thirty seconds? Maybe he’d been there, bleeding out, for hours. Felix didn’t know. He didn’t even want to think.

“Holy shit!”

Then he was back to reality. She had come to get him. It must have been out of pity, of course it was, but she was there. He coughed hoarsely into his fist, looking up. Lily seemed like she had been crying, her face was pink and her eyes were shot (it was because she was  _ disappointed _ . She probably  _ hated _ him).

It was hard to get his eyes to focus on her, and he wanted to say something cool or witty. He just couldn’t do that. Eyes trained on the ground, voice barely there, Felix asked,” Are you upset with me?...”

“Upset with you?! Felix, you got  _ stabbed _ ! Why would I be angry?!” Lily was still crying,” I’m worried- I’m mad at the person who  _ stabbed _ you! No. Felix I’m not mad at  _ you _ !”

She wrapped her arms around him carefully, pulling the blond into her chest with a shaky sigh. Her fingers swept through his hair carefully, half making sure his head wasn’t bleeding and half trying to comfort him. It wasn’t the first time he’d gotten injured, but it was the first time he’d gotten hurt so badly. Maybe it was because he was actively trying to avoid fights.

“... I didn’t fight back.”

“I know.”

His arms wound around her loosley. 

“Teddy is going to be disappointed.”

“He’ll understand.”

“You’re disappointed.”

“We’re gonna go to the hospital.” 

* * *

Felix sighed, falling against the duvet covering his brothers bed. Both of them were very clearly stressed, just for different reasons. He was… exhausted, hadn’t slept all that much recently. Something was stressing him out. It had always been difficult to tell what he was feeling, Felix tended to keep his emotions hidden, but sometimes he did crack.

He sighed, long and bitterly, toying with the bandana that was tied loosely around his neck. This wasn’t exactly a positive situation. Of course, that didn’t necessarily make it a negative, but that wasn’t the point. Theodore was tapping a steady rhythm onto his nightstand, only adding to the drowning sense of monotony. It was quiet excluding that and the tick of an analogue clock. A clock that ticked just before Theodore tapped, making everything sound distorted and wrong.

“Do you think she’d say yes?” he asked after a long moment.

Theodore looked up, stopping that tapping of his,” She’d kill for you if you asked her to, Felix.”

“I… yes. This is different than that, however. I would not ask her to do that. I’m asking if she’d say yes to going to prom with me. She’s mentioned not wanting to go before. If she said no-”

“Felix,” Ted cut him off,” You care about her more than I’ve ever seen you care about anyone. She feels the same way about you! I can see it in the way she looks at you. She wouldn’t even hesitate before saying yes. All you have to do is ask. Don’t bother with any of the flashy stuff, it isn’t worth it. Be you, ask this girl who’s been dating you for months now to prom, and have a good time!”

Felix ran a hand through his hair, a dull attempt to fix it. It didn’t really change anything, his hair was still a mess, but it seemed to relieve a bit of stress. He sat up, letting out a long breath. The whole motion was empty, it felt awkward, but neither of them commented on it. That’s just how it was sometimes. 

“Teddy, you’re good with flowers, right?”

He stifled a laugh,” Did the fifteen thousand flower pots on my balcony  _ not _ give that away?”

“Teddy.” Felix’s voice went sharp,” I’m serious. I… well. What if I were to give her flowers? I haven’t got a clue how to do that, unfortunately.”

“I know, I know. You want to ask with flowers, right?” 

“I suppose…”

“I can do that.”

The main colour was blue. Unfortunately, blue flowers weren’t common in nature and the ones that were had a negative meaning. So it eventually evolved into blue, pink, and purple. Most of the meanings went above Felix’s head. He understood what they meant, sure, but he didn’t understand how or why flowers had come to mean such things. Asking resulted in a smile and a shrug from Ted. 

That being said, Theodore  _ had _ written down a guide.

Purple hydrangeas- a desire for a deeper understanding of a person, love in a mists- openness to love, forget me nots- faithfulness and memories, lavender astilbes- I’ll wait for you, and a single pink stargazer lily- aspiration. 

It was… pretty. A little cluttered, but he supposed that was the point. Theodore had mentioned that he wanted to use plants usually reserved for filling space because their meanings were forgotten about. Again, Felix didn’t understand, like, most of it, but he did sort of understand the reasoning. He knew it didn’t really matter what the meaning was. Lily wouldn’t care! 

Felix leaned against the wall quietly. He’d managed to coast by the school day without having to open his backpack at all. Thank god he took so many elective classes. There was so much going on in his head, he was nervous and just- this had so much potential to go wrong. If it went wrong he- how could he ever look at her again? It was just going to be a walk, that’s all.

“Felix!” he blinked back into reality, seeing the ‘her’ in question,” You said you wanted to go on a walk, yeah? Let’s go.”

He softened upon hearing her speak. God he was whipped. That didn’t matter, at least not really. So he just nodded along to her statement and lifted his bag from the floor. There wasn’t a real reason why he was taking her somewhere else other than he didn’t want to do it at school. It felt wrong to do it on campus, honestly. 

It was colder than it should have been for the time of year, though that really wasn’t that big of an issue. Cold weather didn’t bother him very much and Lily was in a jacket. The cold was mostly just a breeze, there tended to be cold fronts before it got warm again. There was a slight hum to the breeze as the two of them walked in comfortable silence. Nervous, for Felix, but comfortable nonetheless. 

“You’re quiet today,” Lily looked over at him.

Felix shrugged, letting out a soft laugh,” You say that as if I’m not quiet every day.”

She shook her head,” You didn’t even say hello. There’s something on your mind, isn’t there?”

“No. No I’m just quiet today.”

“Bull.”

He rolled his eyes, absentmindedly cracking his knuckles. It was a habit, not a threat. That wasn’t him being a jerk. People assumed that he was picking a fight when he did that sort of thing. Not that that mattered. 

“Seriously, Felix,” Lily muttered,” It feels like you’re hiding something from me.”

“I am… not. I’m not hiding anything.”

“I get how Theo is the better liar now.”

Felix shook his head. He couldn’t refute that bid. Theodore had always been much better at lying to people. Sure, Felix was good at manipulation and negotiation, but being able to lie smoothly and cleanly was not in his skill set. At this moment he wished it was. 

He sighed. They were still a few minutes off from the park. How disappointing, he wouldn’t even be able to ask formally. It wasn’t like he was going to make a huge deal out of it, but he still wanted to make it nice. Asking something like that was meant to have some class.

Shaking his head, Felix simply said,” I’ll tell you, just don’t be mad at me. You’re the one who ruined the surprise.”

“Felix-”

Dropping his bag to the side, he kneeled down to fumble with it. He was nervous, it showed, so he had trouble opening it up. Which was frustrating, seeing as he was still trying to seem somewhat smooth. Somewhat. Really, he was just trying to keep some of his pride. 

He grabbed the flowers gently, sliding off the protective plastic holding them. His nerves began to get the better of him and he refused to look at Lily too directly. So much for his dignity, then. At least no one else would see him do this. Not anyone that knew them, in any case. Felix stood up, pushing the bouquet of flowers out in front of him.

“I was going to ask you to go to prom with me. This is technically still me asking you to go to prom with me,” he looked to the side, forcing his voice to slow down,” Lily, would you like to go to prom with me?” 

Lily shook her head, flushing bright red,” You’re stupid.”

“Huh?”

“Obviously.” She lunged at him, pulling the blond into a tight blond,” Obviously I will, Felix. No duh. Of  _ course _ I’ll go to prom with you!”

“You’re crushing the flowers!”

* * *

It was prom night. Which should have been much more exciting than it actually was. In Felix’s case he was mostly just… nervous. Nervous because his parents absolutely weren’t fans of the person he was going with. He was fully aware of that, but he also knew that they couldn’t do anything to her. She was a friend of the company now, after all. It would reflect poorly on them to do anything to her.

Still, though, as he glanced to his brother, he felt the familiar swell of nerves deep in his chest. As much as he tried to ignore it, act like those feelings didn’t exist, he couldn’t. Especially knowing that Theodore didn’t have those same emotions. His brother was excited, showing off his teal blazer in the mirror. Felix just felt wrong.

“Look on the bright side, Lex!” Theodore said, leaning against the wall,” Mum and Father aren’t here! We get to wear what we want to! You get to go with Lily!”

Felix sighed,” Why must you insist on using that nickname, Teddy?”

Theodore muffled a laugh.

“... Point taken. Still,” Felix fiddled with something in his pocket,” I’m- er- largely unprepared.”

“Nervous Felix. You’re nervous.”

“Yes. I am.”

Theodore laughed to himself, pushing off of the wall and stepping over to his brother. It was interesting, the fact that they were meant to be identical but both came off so differently. Felix had more muscle, Theodore was more lean, their faces weren’t quite the same shape. And they acted so genuinely different as well. Where Felix was cold, unemotional, and calculating, Theo was positive, empathetic, and witty. The brothers weren’t opposites, but they had come a long way from their younger years.

Felix pushed his twin’s hair back, scoffing,” You cannot go out with your hair that frizzy, much less to a school function. Honestly Teddy.”

“I’m not done yet!”

Felix rolled his eyes as Theodore grabbed a comb from the nightstand, brushing his hair back. The wave in his hair remained untamed, flipping up and over in a puffy loop. As infuriating as Felix found it to look at the thing, he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like it could be changed. He didn’t care about his brothers hair that much.

He looked into the mirror, at himself. Sparing a moment to take in his appearance. It wasn’t as flamboyant as his brothers clothing. A vest, a button up, a tie. Slacks. Nothing special, nothing interesting at all. The only stand out things were his hands and face, really. His nails were painted black, deep blue rhinestones accenting his thumbs. He was wearing makeup, something he was certainly hesitant to do. Silver-y smokey eyes were a risk for a guy like him.

The doorbell rang, pulling him from his thoughts. Felix looked up, shoving a hand into the pocket of his pants. Placing the last few adornments to his hair, Theodore stood back up, waiting for the click of the intercom. It came quickly, followed by the crackling of a microphone that could really stand to be updated.

“Mister Felix, Theodore, the driver is at the doorstep and requires the both of you at this time. You must also direct him to the… residence of the others riding with you.”

-

They stood awkwardly in front of the Hanada family residence, both blonds looking very out of place. Theo rang the doorbell like he’d done a million times before. He was going to prom with Billy. The two of them weren’t dating but they were very close, it was a natural progression, really. They’d gone to homecoming as friends the last two years, too. 

Speaking of Billy, he ripped open the door, a bright grin on his face. He looked all too proud of himself. His casual hoodie was replaced by a red violet polo shirt, teal suspenders with a matching tie, and black slacks. 

Ted stifled a laugh, leaning down to fix the atrocity that was Billy’s tie,” I’ve been trying to teach you how to tie a tie for what, two years now? Three?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I tried Theo!” he rolled his eyes, only smiling wider. Then Billy turned over to Felix, quirking an eyebrow,” Lilly’s gonna be down in a minute, try not to die too much, ‘kay?”

With that, Theo and Billy walked back to the limo they were riding in. That left Felix to stand there, growing progressively more antsy as time went on. He was a Huxley! There was no reason for him to be so nervous! Why was he so nervous? It wasn’t like he’d never seen Lily before! They were dating for God's sake!”

He remembered why he was so nervous when Lily swung the door open. In his moment of feigned confidence, he’d forgotten a key detail. She was  _ beautiful _ . His heart hammered in his chest as he looked at her, hardly able to comprehend her appearance itself. The dress was purple. She was pretty. That’s about all he could think.

“Hey Felix,” she smiled as she spoke, stepping out of the doorway,” So… Whatdya think?” 

“Wow…”

“Wow?”

He flushed, looking off to the side,” Er. I… I mean… You look lovely darling.”

“Thanks.” she paused,” Today is a ‘darling’ day?”

“Mhm.”

They didn’t say anything else. The two of them just walked down to the limousine and Felix held the door open for Lily. When they sat down, their fingers intertwined. Both of their brothers looked at them like they were stupid, but that wasn’t uncommon.

The four of them got out of the limo quickly, all eager to get out of such a stiflingly posh and fancy environment. Sure, they were about to walk into prom, but it was prom with their classmates. Read: chaotic. Theo and Billy almost immediately decided to face each other to the doors, laughing to each other as they did so. Felix and Lily hung back for a moment, glancing back and forth between themselves. Wordlessly, they walked inside the building.

It was loud, that was the first thing that Felix noticed. Loud and full of awkward teenagers. Some people seemed to be having a better time than others. The first person he noticed was Carla, directly followed by Monty. Mostly because she was currently in the process of lifting the ginger above her head and shrieking something that could have been “ _ viva la revolucion, gringo _ ”. Cindy was dancing with Ozzy, who seemed just about as uncomfortable as he could get (Felix silently noted that he kept looking over in the direction of Theo).

“Do you think she’s actually gonna toss the nerd?” Lily nudged his side, looking over at Carla and Monty.

Felix shook his head,” She might toss him into his chair if he brought it, but no. From what Teddy has said about Carla, she would never seriously injure anyone she’s on good terms with.”

Lily laughed,” That’s what I figured. Ya’ think anyone’s spiked the punch yet?”

“Well…” Felix looked around, seeing people who certainly did seem to be drunk,” Yes. It was probably Carla, on that note.”

They had gotten closer to hear each other speaking, it was difficult to do so over the music. Neither of them had noticed yet, they probably wouldn’t until after the fact. 

It was loud. Lily didn’t mind it. Felix did. There was too much that could happen when it was loud. Too much room for something to end poorly. The bass of the music drummed in his chest, assaulting the back of his mind. 

“Do you want to dance?” Lily asked after a moment of silence between the two of them. 

Felix shrugged awkwardly,” If you do, sure.”

As a ballroom dancer, Felix was completely unaccustomed to dancing in a less formal setting. He danced silently at company parties, focusing on anything but the place he was. It was difficult trying to dance when he wanted to be in the moment. With Lily, he  _ could _ be in the moment. The change between that and what he was used to was just jarring. That made it difficult to truly focus on what was happening right then.

Lily dragged him to the dancefloor and flashed him a warm smile. He smiled back, pretending that her expression made his heart melt slightly less than it actually did. They were in public, he couldn’t be too weird. The last few notes of the previous song faded out and the rest of the people dancing stilled. All of them were waiting for the next song to start. 

It was a noticeably slower song than the previous one had been. Still a party song, of course, but not quite as loud and pop-y. The music had a more gentle swell to it, causing several people to leave the floor, They seemed to want to… go hard and whatnot. This song was perfect for the Type of people Lily and Felix were. 

He bit his lip, looking over at Lily. Reaching a hand out in front of him, he paused. Lily took the opportunity to take it. Neither of them had ever been very forward, but she was surely more so than he was. Felix swallowed his nerves and placed his other hand on her waist. They weren’t doing it quite properly, but he, for once, didn’t really mind that.

They didn’t dance well. Sure, Felic knew how to formally dance, sure, Lily understood how it worked. That didn’t make either of them any good at it in this setting. It was all too fast or two slow. The movements didn’t work with the music. Their dancing was a mess. But there was something interesting to that. Guess what?

Neither of them cared. By the end of the song, they had the widest smiles on their faces. Both teens were grinning ear to ear, laughing at each other and themselves. At the end of the song, Felix had spun Lily. It was sloppy and awkward, and it ended up with their arms tangled together. But it just… didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Not the eyes that were on them (‘How could they be laughing like that?’ they must have been thinking. Most of them had never even seen the two of them smile). Not the mutters at their expense. None of it. It was only them… and they were happy.

“Let’s leave,” Lily said abruptly, still smiling wide,” We could go. Right now. Tell Theo and Billy that we’re leaving.”

Felix let out a soft laugh,” Would you like to?”

“Obviously.”

So they did. They up and left their prom. The two of them passed their brothers, let them know, and then they left. Even before that night, neither of them really cared about prom itself. It was more just getting to do something together without them being the main focus of what was going on. And then they left.

At that point, the sun had dipped below the horizon and the sky was drenched with star light. A pale quarter moon lit up the parts that the stars didn’t quite seem to reach. In the time they’d been there, it had cooled down noticeably. It wasn’t cold by any means, but as the wind blew against their faces there was a subtle chill. The natural beauty, the fresh air, it was much less choking than being surrounded by sad, sweaty, dancing teens. 

The two of them walked down a path they knew well. It was a bit of a scenic route, after all. Even if the town wasn’t exactly full of beautiful scenery: there were woods and a pond. Which was good enough. They felt good enough walking through the trees.

Moonlight refracted against the water of the pond, sending light like prisms- colourful and faint- out along the ripples. It was a beautiful thing to watch, really. Light dancing around the rippling surface of water that looked almost pitch against the night sky. The best part, undoubtedly, was the soft squeeze of their connected palms. 

“This is so much better than prom,” Felix said after a while.

“Absolutely.”

He surprised both of them in the following moments. Once again, neither of them had ever been the forward type. But it moved so fast, the next few moments did. Felix moved close to Lily before quietly pressing a kiss to her cheek. It was quick, simple. But it meant so, so very much to both of them.

* * *

Felix wasn’t ready. College was… much different than high school was. He knew that. It was even more different when you had to go into a major that you absolutely didn’t want to go into because you had to take over your father’s company. Because your brother wanted to do music and you couldn’t possibly take that away from him. And you had to hurt someone dear to you. Even if you both knew it was coming.

They both knew what was going to happen! That’s what made it so much worse! Both of them knew exactly what was happening! And they’d been avoiding it the whole time they knew! Felix couldn’t possibly look her in the eyes and do that to her! Seeing her hurting at all was the worst feeling in the world. Felix couldn’t possibly stand hurting Lily. 

He stood on the pavement, waiting for everyone. His bags had been recklessly into the car he was riding to the airport. The unfinished business he had lingered in the back of his mind like a disease, thick, ugly, and nauseating. That hurt worse than the homesickness would, honestly. Just the simple fact that he had to do something so horrible. Part of him wished he still had the same resolve that he did when he was younger. As stupid as that sounded, he really did. 

Theodore tapped his shoulder, alerting him to the presence of the group. Of course, Teddy had spent the night before with them. Billy was his friend, after all.  _ She _ acted like his sister. Felix stared onward, mentaly preparing himself. The atmosphere should have been more happy, it was a bit of a last goodbye. But the events that would certainly take place over the next while weighed heavy on everyone’s minds. 

The moment that Felix saw Lily was the moment things started coming crashing down. He wasn’t crying, not yet, but his resolve was gone in an instant. There was absolutely nothing more he wanted to do than grab her and wrap her up in his arms, smiling like there was nothing in the world that could possibly go wrong. If he looked at her for a moment longer than he did, he would certainly start crying.

Instead, he sighed. Theo hugged him, congratulating him one more time on deciding brave college life. Billy patted his shoulder and smiled up at him, sticking his tongue out when Felix didn’t emote. It was clear that they were both trying to lift his spirits slightly. They didn’t do much. Even if Felix really, really, wished that they did. He wanted to force himself to feel better after that. He couldn’t.

“Lily…” he said at last, voice breaking as he tried desperately to keep his composure,” Lily I’d like to speak to you alone for a moment, if that’d be alright.”

“Of course, Felix,” she responded, voice devoid of positivity. 

“Thank you.”

They stepped away, around the corner. To an alleyway that had been there longer than either of them had been alive. Felix didn’t dare look up. He knew that he’d have to, eventually, just not then. Perhaps he’d be able to regain some of his will by then? It was an almost impossible sounding concept, sure, but he needed something to keep himself going. Doing that was difficult, knowing what happened next. And they both knew what happened next. 

“I’m so sorry…” Felix said after a moment of uncomfortable silence,” Lily. I’m so sorry.”

Lily shook her head, frowning,” Rip it off like a bandage, Felix.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

Lily grabbed his hand and pressed it against her cheek. Her cheek was damp. She was crying, he knew she would be. He couldn’t possibly understand how she could handle this. God- he couldn’t even handle this! How could he possibly do this to someone he loved so much?

“Lily.”

“Felix.”

“For…” he paused, taking on a much more formal tone. That always made it hurt less. “For the future of the Applesoft Corporation, I have been asked to cease any non familial relationships before I go off to college. This includes… you.”

He lost it, biting down hard on his lip and pulling her close to him. Felix held her tighter than he ever had before. The resentment he held for his company swelled as he held tight to her, sobbing openly. It had never been comfortable to watch Felix cry. He almost never did it.

“Felix. Felix I know. I know, I do…” She tried to comfort him, but Lily was crying just as hard. 

He broke the hug to pull something out of his pocket. Two somethings, to be exact. They were two golden lockets, shaped like hearts. On one was written “Omnia Vincit Amor”. The other read “Nos Et Cedamus Amori”. He held the former of the two out to her, letting it hang on his chain. It was not open.

Lily took it hesitantly, clasping it around her neck with almost no hesitation. He did the same with his own locket.

“Don’t open it until I’m gone, okay?... We’ll talk again soon. I promise.” he looked into her eyes,” I promise.”

Felix pressed a kiss to her cheek, longing to feel her fingers intertwined with his own. He didn’t know when he’d feel that again. Maybe he never would. God did he have hope for the future, through. Giving her one more pained smile, Felix walked out of the alley way. Tears were still in his eyes as he passed his brother and Billy. They were in his eyes when he got into the car. Those same tears trailed down his cheeks all the way to the airport. All the way to his dorm.

It wasn’t the end, truly, it wasn’t. But it felt like it. Oh how it felt like it. Felix was alone again, but not forever. After all… the universe had an interesting way of doing things. 

_ All that was left to do was  _ ** _Fight Back._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this fic is lowkey kind of open ended! That's for a reason, I promise! There's a lot more to the au than just this stuff and I left the ending vague in case there's enough interest for me to make a second one.


End file.
